Thursday, June 03, 2004

Diary of Weatherman

This is my log for the journey from Wichita, KS, home to Pittsburgh. The purpose of my journey was to negotiate the sale of another light aircraft for my company, the Pittsburgh Fly You/Fly Yourself Air Charter and Flying School. I work there, as well as owning the company, and employ another pilot, a mechanic and an administration assistant. Everything on the journey wsa going as planned, until about an hour out of Pittsburgh.

The road ahead of the bus was clear, zero tenths cloud, visibility unlimited. Perfect day for taking a student up. I was snoozing, as I tend to in anything moving in less than three dimensions, when I was woken by a massive explosion. The bus suddenly swerved, and started moving sideways. I almost fell out of my seat, but luckily was able to hang on, and catch a small child falling in front of me. That wasn't a problem, but when the bus rolled, I fell out of my seat, but managed to keep the child away from harm. Many people were injured, so I started helping as many as I could. Another passenger, a young lady, also helped. A third passenger started moving around, although did not actually seem to be helping anyone. He did start pushing out emergency exits, though, and looking ut for help. Another pasenger called an ambulance, although we could already hear engines coming.

Just as most of the passengers were at least somewhat patched up, the man at the back of the bus called out that there were people coming, and that they didn't look friendly. I immediately pulled the revolver I always carry out of its shoulder holster, and moved to the back of the bus. I obtained a license for the firearm, and to carry it, after September 11. I'm not taking any chances. When I reached the back of the bus, I saw three dune-buggies coming over the ridge, about 5 minutes away. Resisting the urge to cuff the guy up the back over the head for scaring me, I noticed the reason for the crash. An overpass up ahead had been blown up, and a truck that had been travelling over the bridge at the time was wrecked. Barrels with large radioactive symbols on them were scattered around, some of them broken. Immediate reaction: I'm boned.

I decided that it was probably too late to avoid exposure, so I left the bus to check on the driver. Not pretty. The other guy and I got him out of the cabin, and I did what I could. Which wasn't much. At this point the dune buggies rolled up. I had (thankfully) put away my pistol, so I wasn't immediately shot by the gun-toting thugs in the buggies. But nearly. They were carrying a Ingram MAC-10s, small ugly little subbys, but quite lethal enough over oh, 10 feet. I kept working on the truck driver, waiting for a chance to pop the cowardly little bastard in the buggy.

The balaclava-ed men (I think all men) in the buggies started loading up some of the barrels of stuff, spouting something about evil, and capitalists, I'm assuming Islamic fundamentalists, filthy bastards, making life difficult for their own people who just want to live in peace like us Americans. Thats when the freaky stuff started to happen.

As two of the bandits started to carry one of the barrels past the bus, one of them was eaten by a giant snake. The other was grabbed. It didn't look a pretty sight, I can tell you. Everything started to slow down, and it was like I was moving faster than I used to, more agile, tougher, stronger, smarter. It was kinda cool. But there was still a snake to deal with. The terrorist that was wrapped up in snkae started shooting at it with his little pop gun. Didn't do much, he might as well have thrown the gun at it. Which he did at some stage. The other guys in the buggies didn't wait for that. They were off. As soon as they had their backs turned, I drew and took a shot at them. Managed to get two shots off, one connected, don't know how well. That left the snake.

I have always been able to feel the weather. Maybe its something to do with being a pilot, or the other way round. Right now there were storms coming from the South, coming off the Appalachian Mountains. Probably wouldn't hit us, we were too close to the great lakes, the warm air coming off the lakes would hit the colder air off the moutnains about 100 miles south of us, causing thunderstorms, maybe hail and snow in the right conditions. This is what I already knew. But know I felt I could CONTROL it. I felt like I could cause wind, draw it in, bring lightneing, thunder, ice, fog. I felt like weather was my friend.

The snake at this point had dropped the terrorist, and was concentrating on the other male passenger from the bus. He had talked to the snake, calling it by name, which is hugely suspicious in my mind, but had then hit it, which is less so. And turned into metal. I dunno about all that. Short version, he and the woman from the bus, who had now turned translucent, got smacked around by the snake a lot. I ran over to help, seeing that they were in trouble, not that I could do mcuh to help. The woman fired an Ingram that she must have picked up (no room in that suit for concealed weapons), and managd to annoy it slightly. Metal man seemed to be getting better results just hitting it. I had just reached the snake, when I realised that the terrorist the snake had dropped wasn't dead. Just red. All over. Like a rock. And about 7 foot tall and growing about a foot every ten seconds. And he was behind me. I just ran. No problems there, I wasn't going to be stuck in between a rock and a large snake.

It was when I had run about ten meters that I realised that I wasn't running on the ground. I was about ten feet up in the air. But it still felt solid under my feet. This was weird, but seemed to be keeping with the day so far. The rock man was running away, so I decided to forget about him. The snake was still thrashing around. I tried something. I called upon my friend the weather, and tried to call lightning down on the snake. I could feel it building up, and building, and building, and nothing was happening. That was slightly embarassing. Then the snake fell over. THEN the lightning cam down and hit it a few times. That was really embarassing. Especially when the guy next to it asked me to stop.

At that point I decided that it was time for me to leave. After a few false starts the two other weirdos and I managed to leave, one of the false starts being getting shot at by the police. Fun fun fun. We arranged to meet at Boyce Park, at sundown, and metalman went his way, and I gave see-through woman a lift to the airport, and lent her some clothes. I was not hurt in the entire episode, and it appears that neither did she. Very glad I wasn't seen by anyone who knew me, but unfortunately managed to forget my luggage, including the invoice from Cessna. DAMMIT! I may have to make the whole trip again. Screw the expenses, next time I fly.